Some of the craziest things I have read online were from the greasy fingers of passive-aggressive spouses who have “been there, done that.” While many are well-intentioned, there are the select few who enjoy logging on and sending virtual eye rolls for no reason. Here are some of my favorite Bye, Felicia moments:
- “Girl, just you wait until your husband deploys. You think you miss him now??” This is usually in response to a young spouse reaching out to a group full of chapped-lipped women for comfort or sisterhood during a field rotation or training. Rather than giving a response such as this, try offering some words of encouragement or even a listening ear. Some people love their spouses enough to miss them overnight..hell, even during the day when separated by work.
- “All these people at the commissary on payday, you broke b*tches..I get groceries whenever I want because we aren’t poor.” I feel like the commissary at payday eye roll is an undercover attack. Of course there’s going to be crowds at the commissary on payday, it’s payday! Not every family lives paycheck to paycheck either. Some budget their household finances and errands around paydays. I mean, families need to restock their food supply and 2 out of the 4 weeks in the month are payday weeks.
- “OMG, you want to talk to your husband’s chain of command? Would you call his boss if he worked at McDonald’s?” I can’t stand this response, especially when a family member is seeking real help for crises or dangerous situations. Contrary to the opinions of stank breath mobs on Facebook spouse groups, a military chain of command is equipped to offer support not just to service members but also their families. Don’t ever be afraid to reach out for help.
- “I didn’t give bad advice, I knew someone who went to her husband’s chain of command because he wouldn’t buy her some expensive lipstick.” There’s ALWAYS a ridiculous follow up statement to justify weird things seasoned spouses say once proven wrong. It never fails during the course of any conversation that someone resorts to deflecting or greatly exaggerating a story. It’s like the urban military spouse myth where someone’s wife demanded that the gate guards salute her. Filing it in never happened.
- “Get a job and your own life. Don’t sit around the house moping all day.” This is the pumpkin spice latte of advice for first time deployment spouses; basic AF. What makes you think these women don’t have lives of their own? I feel like much of this advice is rooted in a giver’s personal experience drinking soda pops at 10 am wandering through the Exchange on a Tuesday. Sit around and mope all day as much as you need, ladies and gents. Do you, boo boo! Don’t let Bertha make you feel bad with her dirty keyboard.
I feel like this will surely turn into another series of shenanigans with the observations I have been making lately. I know sometimes it’s so easy for those of us older folks who have been through the early years of OIF & OEF to offer advice to young spouses who were not yet of age at the time; however, the old “I’m just honest and blunt” excuse for being a raging hag is older than the term dependa.