5 Times Military Spouses Were Petty AF: Vol. 2

Vol2

This is a continuation of the series I started.  I had such a blast writing the first installment that I decided to quickly follow up with Vol. 2.  I know we’ve all come across some crazy responses to questions frequently asked in Facebook groups.  Sometimes we cringe, sometimes we laugh. Although this is all in good fun, I know most of us can relate on some level.  Without further ado, I give you 5 more times military spouses were petty af:

Hi, I was wondering if anyone can tell me how the roads are? “Here we go.  Get a load of this newb.  Hey Grover, this ain’t the Weather Channel.  Every single winter, this happens and I’m about to lose my whole mind.  It drains the life out of me to see a post about weather.  Who raised you?!  If I see one more incompetent wife asking how the roads are, I’m going to throw my iPhone 4s across the room so hard, Straight Talk will feel it.  Better yet, why don’t you scroll the page? Someone posted about this 5 hours ago!”

Does anyone know the number to Pizzas Rain or Shine?  I’d like to order delivery tonight.  “Wait…you mean to tell me that you’re going to risk a delivery driver’s life during this weather?  What kind of monster are you?  This is what’s wrong with America today.  People like you who feel entitled to order pizza.  I’m sickened by this question and I hope that you don’t kiss your babies with that mouth.”

I’m new here and I really don’t like it.  Any advice on how to cope with homesickness?  “Sounds like you need an attitude adjustment, snowflake.  For starters, how about you try leaving your fleabag housing and explore this beautiful area that you’ve been blessed with?  This area is what you make it and those who don’t like it can kick rocks.  Don’t bring yourself back on this page talking about you don’t like it here.  Open the curtains to your dungeon every once in a while and stop being an introvert.  No one likes a serial killer.”

Does anyone have any recommendations for places to get a puppy?  We really want a Siberian Husky.  “How about you take your sorry behind down to the animal shelter and adopt?  You must be one of those people who think they’re too good for a mutt.  There are so many dogs that need to be rescued and you’re out here looking for a puppy that you actually want.  Yeah, I’m side-eyeing you, Michael Vick.”

Hey ladies!  Can someone point me in the right direction?  I am looking for the ID card office.  Thanks in advance!  “You know, Facebook has added this awesome feature to groups called a SEARCH BAR!  It’s totally free to use.  I’m sure there have been a million posts asking where the ID card office is and if I have to read one more, I’m going to deactivate my Facebook for the day.  Matter of fact, here’s a screenshot for you.  I’ve circled where you need to click and exactly what to type in to find your answer.  You’re welcome.”  

I know you have all seen examples of these things.  They’re very real and hopefully by raising awareness, we can put an end to the tom foolery.  (Probably not though)

 

 

5 Times Military Spouses Were Petty AF

Petty

Listen Linda, I realize that as military spouses, some have far more experience than others.  Some have been through multiple deployments and some have never had to endure a separation from their spouse.  There are young spouses that seek guidance and new to military life spouses who are looking for help navigating this world.  Sometimes spouses with tons of experience just need a place to vent and shoot the you-know-what.  So many turn to military spouse groups and forums on social media.  I’ve compiled a list of some of the harmless questions that are sure to garner a response from even the most undercover Petty LaBelle.

1.  “Hi everyone, my family has fallen on some very hard times and I need to re-home the family pet.  I’m wondering if there are any military families that are looking for a dog?”  Ohhh my goodness.  Hell hath no fury like asking a group of military spouses this question.  Some might come at you with some hard hitting statistics, “I’m appalled.  Studies have shown that 99.9% of heifers who sell their beloved dogs are lazy-behind people who hate animals and punch babies in the face for a living.  Chances are you also support Hitler.”  

2.   “Can someone please explain to me what it means to be ‘in the box’?  Thanks!”  Here we go…“Wow!  I can’t believe you’re jeopardizing your husband’s life by violating OPSEC! I’ve personally heard of return dates being changed because of peasants like you with your loose lips and no edges.  And no, it wasn’t because dates change all the time & I truly have no idea about how military flights operate, it was because some Snuffaluffagus lookalike asked what the box is.”

3.  “I’m having such a hard time with the absence of my husband.  Any advice?”  This one gets out of hand quick.  “Advice?  Yeah, put your big girl panties on.  I can’t stand a young wife who misses her husband.  I look forward to when mine leaves!  I enjoy all the free time in the world because I can watch Grey’s Anatomy and Vampire Diaries and I don’t have to shave my back.  If you miss your husband, that makes you racist.”

4.  “I need to rant a little to my fellow wives.  I was changing in the gym and noticed that there was an older boy in the locker room and I felt a little uncomfortable about it.  Is there a family changing room?”  Girl, yes.  I feel you and I completely sympathize.  Don’t tell a group of military spouses though.  “What did you just say?! How dare you disrespect my cupcake in such a manner?  You pretty much just said that my kid is ugly as hell and I should keep his cross-eyed self out of the women’s locker room.  I’ll do no such thing, if you don’t like it then you can stay fat.” 

5.  “Can anyone recommend an affordable photographer?”  Seems like a normal question right?  Shoot, I wanna know too!  Be careful though.  “Oh, affordable huh?  So basically you’re asking me to leave my kids and fur babies in the car with the windows rolled up on a 100 degree day to take pictures of your big headed kids and raggedy husband for free?  The nerve of some of these wives on here who don’t understand that photography is an art and I am an agent in delivering to the world a work of utter genius.  Try Sears, you garden gnome.”  

I know we won’t all agree, but come on, mayne!  We can do better.

 

 

 

 

 

Navigating Life: Going From Service Member to Military Spouse

soldierspouse

Quite possibly one of the most challenging things I’ve had to do was make the transition from Soldier to Spouse.  I’m talking straight from deployment to full on stay-at-home wife.  Before I begin this piece of information, let me add this disclaimer:

While I know that there are male military spouses, I’m using my voice for this writing because it is where I’m experienced and I’m chronicling my personal adventure for those who care to read.  I see you men also!  

What Now?

This is probably the first thing I asked myself.  Start school back up right away or take a small break?  Look for a job?  Eat Cheetos & catch up on my programs?  The answer never came to me, so I did a little bit of everything.  I enrolled in some courses and got Cheeto smudges on my textbooks.  It’ll come to you, trust me.

Feeling Left Behind.

Perhaps one of the most common emotions I went through initially was feeling like I was so far disconnected from the Army life I had grown so accustomed to.  Watching my husband put his uniform on everyday made me sad every now and then.  Mostly though, it made me feel nostalgic.  I eventually got over it by realizing I could do more to support my family by being outside of the military.

No One Gets Me.

This is probably one of the most common feelings that I still experience from time to time.   There are so many nice military spouses and I’ve found many I enjoy being around.  Since I understand quite a bit about what the Army is all about, I often get questions from fellow spouses that I’m more than happy to answer.  On the flip side though, sometimes I want to vent about something military-related or have a discussion and I get the deer in headlights look.  This is why I love my fellow veteran spouses; we can BS about it all.

Regret.

This is one that I haven’t full on experienced in quite a while.  For the first few months of separating from the Army, I began to feel almost like I was in mourning.  I didn’t have the connection with people around me like I had with those I served with.  I would think about all of the reasons why I decided to move on and everything made sense again.  Since I’ve exited the Army, I have found amazing friends along the way that I would not have met otherwise.

While I absolutely loved my time in the Army and wouldn’t change it for the world, there are so many perks to being “on the other side.”  In fact, just the other day, I walked through a whole patch of grass with impunity.  I pass higher ranking folks and look them dead in the eyeballs without so much as a “you good, fam?”  I walk and talk on my cell phone.  I answer CSMs with, “Yeah.”  Okay, okay…I don’t think I’ve gotten that crazy yet.  In any case, I am completely at peace with where I’ve been and the decisions I made for my family.

Military Spouses & Social Media: OPSEC

MilSpouse.png

 

 

 

Social media is probably the single most amazing advancement in communication with the most impact on how we speak to not only each other but also the world.  It has allowed us to share our lives and network.  A person in the United States can easily become friends with a person in another country all through social media.  News is shared through social media.  Some people only receive headlines by looking at their social media news feed.  Social media has also been an incredible challenge for organizations like the military.  While the military receives extensive briefings on material that is appropriate to be published on social media, family members sometimes miss the memo.  It’s important for service members to have the conversation with their family members so that they are aware of the possible ramifications of sharing too much information online.  Here is a small guide for military spouses to read and consider for safe Facebooking and Twitter’ing:

  1. Refrain from posting dates of ANY kind.  Service members train within the United States all the time.  While these types of absences aren’t necessarily deployments, it’s still a good idea to practice OPSEC (Operational Security).  Do not post any dates your spouse may have spoken about on social media for any reason.  This includes, but is not limited to, Facebook groups.
  2. Post in a professional manner.  While family members aren’t subject to any punishments from the military, they are a direct reflection of the service member.  Try to remember that things you say online have the potential to get your service member spouse hemmed up.
  3. Do not discuss movement.  Dates, extensions, and times of flights are absolutely off limits.  Don’t give any type of information away to anyone online.  You never know who is watching.  Not everyone has good intentions.  Revealing pertinent information can also result in delays of service member movements.
  4. Do not discuss missions.  It’s also a good idea to never mention any specific details about missions your spouse has discussed with you.  An example of this would be disclosing details on training your spouse has gone through or capabilities of the unit.  Think of your spouse’s training events as a training opportunity for yourself also to practice OPSEC.
  5. Disable geotags.  Geotagging is the practice of “checking in” to places or allowing your location to be revealed via social media.  This is very important for service members, but it’s a good safety precaution for everyone.
  6. Check pictures that you post.  Don’t post any pictures that show names of service members and unit affiliation.  I know this can be hard to do, but to err on the side of safety, it’s better to get into the habit of keeping all of that off social media.
  7. Do not reveal exact locations of service members.  It’s never a good idea to publicly discuss where your service member is.  Even if it’s within the United States.
  8. DO NOT REPEAT RUMORS!  Do not add to the rumor mill by getting online and spreading the latest on what you “heard.”  Things change all the time in the military and its very counterproductive to keep spreading rumors.

These are just a few key things that everyone should know and commit to memory.  When in doubt, look for the answer or simply refrain from posting.  Once you’ve become used to keeping military information off social media, it gets easier.  Not only can the spillage of information from your service member to social media have detrimental effects on the mission, it can get your spouse in very hot water with his/her command.