5 Questions Spouses Ask That Get Side Eyed

Hey girl, heyyy! 

On the flip side of things, sometimes we see questions posed in spouse groups that make us give an extreme side eye.  I can’t stress how important it is for military family members to educate themselves on certain matters.  There are many resources, such as ACS, Military OneSource, Google, and even informative blogs and publications (such as armywife101.com or Military Spouse Magazine) geared towards spouses that offer a variety of useful bits of knowledge.  While I don’t believe there is such a thing as a stupid question…I mean, within reason…don’t worry, help is on the way.  I’m also happy to point anyone in the proper direction to avoid becoming a casualty to the following questions:

Where do I go to sign up for the free child care that I’m entitled to?  Like everyone else, members of the military community must pay for their own child care.  However, I know the child care on Army posts do offer certain types of discounts and freebies for family members of deployed service members that are worth looking into.

My husband failed the promotion board, but was promoted anyway and now his command is trying to take it away from him.  The legal office has said nothing can be done but the spouse groups say otherwise..can someone please tell me where to go so I can sue the chain of command for this tragic injustice?  I feel like the biggest downfall of spouse groups is the tremendous amount of misinformation that gets passed around like the last cigarette on a drunken night.  You aren’t going to find information more accurate to any situation than what the legal office advises.

Is the commissary open today? What are the hours? Can someone go there and send me pictures of the produce section?  I’d rather see what the bananas look like before I put pants on.  Thanks!  This is probably the most asked question on any holiday.  While I do understand that people want to know, there are also places like base listings that will offer information such as hours and phone numbers where people can call.  I feel like this is one of those loaded questions that will have spouse groups coming for your whole life.

Where do I go to file an ICE complaint against my husband’s team leader?  My husband had to drive halfway to work in this treacherous snow because his boss didn’t call him before he left the house to let him know work call has been delayed.  Okay….the most common misconception that I see being sung from the top of many spouses’s lungs is to “FILE AN ICE COMPLAINT!”  The Interactive Customer Evaluation system is not designed to receive grievances from spouses who are annoyed by petty things like this.  I’ll now provide you an example of one instance where filing an ICE comment would be necessary.  Say you walk into the finance office and the lady at the front desk says, “I’ll be right with you, Hippo.  Take a seat and I’ll moo when it’s your turn.”  Yeah..you might want to complain about that.

I just got a speeding ticket, what do I do?  Are there any special military powers that protect family members from police persecution?  Nope.  You’re going to have to go ahead and take a huge L for this.  I’ll even tell you what to do and end all speculation:  Follow the directions on the ticket.  Novelty idea right?  The military is not exempt from the law of the land.  I’ve been to traffic court and it was full of service members from Privates to Captains.

The bottom line is that sometimes I wonder where life has been failing a lot of our spouses today.  There has never been a time in history where information has been so readily available.  Literally at our fingertips and just a click away, if not a phone call away.  I want to say some of it is just plain common sense, but there are a lot of younger spouses and whatnot that need guidance and mentorship.  And maybe a few side-eye glances from time to time.  ❤








5 Times Military Spouses Were Petty AF: Vol 3

It’s been such a blast putting together the many times I’m sure many of us have chuckled in amusement as we navigate social media. Although it’s all in good fun, I think we could all learn something from each other using various approaches. Without further ado, I give you…5 times Military Spouses Were Petty AF:

1. Does anyone know when USAA gets paid? Thanks in advance! “First of all, you can find this information on Google..as USAA posts their entire schedule for the year. Second, since you’re so broke, why don’t you take your looking-for-direct-deposit self and apply for a position dusting off boxes in the back of the commissary? A job is a job. You should also look into Dave Ramsey since you’re so destitute you can’t afford to buy a bag of generic pork rinds. You know finance offers classes for people like you..oh and you’ll love this..wait for it: THEY’RE FREE!”

2.  Rant alert: “So I was driving around in circles for about 20 minutes in the parking lot at the BX because some douche canoe decided to park their vehicle in a parking spot and their wheels touched the line! I can’t believe how horrible the people on this base are! Here’s a few pictures I took of parking jobs that have sent me into a fit of rage and straight to Facebook. Be advised; I’m calling the MPs on every single one of you. I’ve been wandering base all morning with my Happy Planner & Pink fountain pen writing down license plate numbers. You won’t get away with this!” 

3. There’s something happening at the gate! Does anyone know anything? Omg, prayers! “I just drove through the gate on my way home from picking up 3 acai refreshers with almond milk when I stopped to pretend to give an MP one of the drinks so I could ask him what was going on. He told me to look straight ahead and drive directly home. Then the barriers got stuck halfway up! There was a car outside the gate and flashing lights everywhere. I’m pretty sure it was ISIS. Prayers!” Turns out, someone just got pulled over for speeding outside the gate and the barriers had been malfunctioning all day.

4. Hi ladies. I’m new here and the last place we were didn’t play Taps at night and it’s so loud! Does anyone have any suggestions on how to adjust to it? Thanks! “I suggest you stop being so unamerican. It’s the highest honor in the land to have your baby’s sleep disrupted by the playing of Taps. My entire household stops what we are doing and we stand at attention and reflect on what it means to be standing in our living room late at night. You should be happy and thankful that you have ears to listen to such a beautiful melody. Have some respect, Doo Doo Brown.” 

5. Hi, my neighbors are so noisy. They play music late at night and sometimes have parties. What shall I do? “Girl, call the MPs. People are so disrespectful here. I have never in my entire life met so many people who like to get together and have a few drinks. It makes the entire neighborhood look like a bunch of butt hats. I saw you go balls to the wall and contact the garrison commander. He will definitely do something about it. Make sure after you call the MPs that you go down to the CID office and get the criminal investigators involved. You pay way too much housing allowance to have to deal with other people. I’m with you! And so, we persist!” 

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in having a decent giggle at some of these scenarios. *Inspired by actual events. 

5 Common Complaints Military Spouses Have About Children…& How to Cope

It seems like I can’t get on social media anymore to be nosey in military spouse type groups without large amounts of complaints. Facebook groups have literally turned into unofficial ICE customer service outlets for the digital age. Chief among the complaints I have seen are mischievous children on military installations. Now that we’re in the month of the military child, I wanted to honor the little critters. It’s not easy being a military kid. Here is why:

Complaint: “Oh my gosh, there are some really disrespectful teenagers out here talking about inappropriate things.”  Uhh..Okay?  I think most of us cannot tell a lie and say we weren’t potty-mouthed teens at some point.  As an adult, it’s also not unheard of to do a spot correction on children if they are using inappropriate language around smaller children.

Complaint: “There is a group of children outside who keep on tracking dirt onto the sidewalk and making so much noise that I can’t even keep my window open because they are disturbing my darling poodle, Beaver.”  I see this one a lot.  I mean, kids go outside and play…it’s what they do.  I know it might be a little less tolerable for those without children, but I think for parents it just comes with the territory.  I’ve had friends complain to me about being waken up at 8am by children playing outside.  All I could think was, “You’re able to sleep that late??”

Complaint:  “If you’re the parents of either of the teenagers showed in this picture that I very creepily obtained by low crawling through the grass that housing doesn’t keep mowed very well..you might want to let them know that holding hands and kissing is disgusting.”  Okay, come on.  I think we can all look back with some nostalgia at being young and in love.  I also wouldn’t advise people to post pictures of other people’s children without consent.  I mean, back in the day people parented without social media..

Complaint:  “These kids are out of control!  They’re out playing ding dong ditch again and I can’t take it anymore.  Who raised these kids?  My infant will never be this way because I will raise him to be an angel who comes home, does homework, and sits down to crochet with me.  If your kid plays ding dong ditch, I just assume you don’t love them.”  This is always my favorite complaint because it sparks a huge debate every time someone complains about it.  Kids will be kids, folks.  Part of childhood includes ding dong ditch.  I do agree that it’s disrespectful.  Again, I won’t pretend that I didn’t play it when I was young.  It’s part of mischief that kids get into.  I will say that the source of this complaint usually doesn’t have children that age of their own so they can’t relate.

Complaint:  “These crusty behind kids keep on running through a corner of my unfenced, bare government-issued housing yard and I’m not having it.  Tell your kids to learn respect for people’s property.”  The yards in question are never fenced in and share an invisible boundary with common areas like fields and spaces between houses.  Some kids run and play, some stay indoors and play with electronics all day.

It’s hard being a military kid.  I think that sometimes we forget what childhood was like.  We forget that we pulled off the same stuff and got into mischief and even trouble.  Children need guidance and are not fully developed or mature.  A smile and friendly reminder usually go a long way when it comes to speaking with children.  Sometimes the best approach is to take a deep breath and realize that it isn’t the end of the world.  Food will still appear on your table if loud children are outside playing.