5 Times Military Spouses Were Petty AF: Vol 3

It’s been such a blast putting together the many times I’m sure many of us have chuckled in amusement as we navigate social media. Although it’s all in good fun, I think we could all learn something from each other using various approaches. Without further ado, I give you…5 times Military Spouses Were Petty AF:

1. Does anyone know when USAA gets paid? Thanks in advance! “First of all, you can find this information on Google..as USAA posts their entire schedule for the year. Second, since you’re so broke, why don’t you take your looking-for-direct-deposit self and apply for a position dusting off boxes in the back of the commissary? A job is a job. You should also look into Dave Ramsey since you’re so destitute you can’t afford to buy a bag of generic pork rinds. You know finance offers classes for people like you..oh and you’ll love this..wait for it: THEY’RE FREE!”

2.  Rant alert: “So I was driving around in circles for about 20 minutes in the parking lot at the BX because some douche canoe decided to park their vehicle in a parking spot and their wheels touched the line! I can’t believe how horrible the people on this base are! Here’s a few pictures I took of parking jobs that have sent me into a fit of rage and straight to Facebook. Be advised; I’m calling the MPs on every single one of you. I’ve been wandering base all morning with my Happy Planner & Pink fountain pen writing down license plate numbers. You won’t get away with this!” 

3. There’s something happening at the gate! Does anyone know anything? Omg, prayers! “I just drove through the gate on my way home from picking up 3 acai refreshers with almond milk when I stopped to pretend to give an MP one of the drinks so I could ask him what was going on. He told me to look straight ahead and drive directly home. Then the barriers got stuck halfway up! There was a car outside the gate and flashing lights everywhere. I’m pretty sure it was ISIS. Prayers!” Turns out, someone just got pulled over for speeding outside the gate and the barriers had been malfunctioning all day.

4. Hi ladies. I’m new here and the last place we were didn’t play Taps at night and it’s so loud! Does anyone have any suggestions on how to adjust to it? Thanks! “I suggest you stop being so unamerican. It’s the highest honor in the land to have your baby’s sleep disrupted by the playing of Taps. My entire household stops what we are doing and we stand at attention and reflect on what it means to be standing in our living room late at night. You should be happy and thankful that you have ears to listen to such a beautiful melody. Have some respect, Doo Doo Brown.” 

5. Hi, my neighbors are so noisy. They play music late at night and sometimes have parties. What shall I do? “Girl, call the MPs. People are so disrespectful here. I have never in my entire life met so many people who like to get together and have a few drinks. It makes the entire neighborhood look like a bunch of butt hats. I saw you go balls to the wall and contact the garrison commander. He will definitely do something about it. Make sure after you call the MPs that you go down to the CID office and get the criminal investigators involved. You pay way too much housing allowance to have to deal with other people. I’m with you! And so, we persist!” 

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in having a decent giggle at some of these scenarios. *Inspired by actual events. 


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