When Egg Hunting On Post Becomes Black Friday.

The advertisements had been calling to my family for weeks.  There was to be a huge event on post for children, which would include an Easter egg hunt.  Yasssss!  Like many other military families, I enjoy attending events on post for the military community.  Providing space for children to burn off energy is always a welcome gesture for parents.

So imagine my surprise when I witnessed the horror that was the Easter egg hunt.  Among the colorful plastic egg-filled treasures in the grass was what can only be described as a scene out of 300.

Grass went flying and baskets became weapons.  Some of these parents equipped their children with actual picnic sized baskets.  As they overflowed, I looked at my darling child to see that about 3 adult rear ends were in her precious little face.  Parents were bent over guiding their missiles from one handful of eggs to the next.

The swarm became so great that Easter eggs were no longer visible.  Hell, my child wasn’t even visible anymore.  As I elbowed my way into the abyss, I located my sweetheart near the Easter bunny.  As I peered into her basket, I noticed that she had only picked up two eggs.  Her excitement to see the Easter bunny was greater than her desire to do combat for Easter eggs.

As I sit here haunted by the scene I witnessed, I feel the need to let all the Karen & Debras know that not only were their booty cheeks pushing my child out of the way, their wildebeest behavior was for a few pieces of Now & Laters and Smarties.  Maybe a Dollar Tree trinket or two.  At the end of the day though, you smell like failure and 2-day old USO hot dogs.

How Government Shutdowns Impact Service Members

While a majority of the United States seems to be a little upset about the current government shutdown, not all see it through the eyes of those who are affected the most. Service members are often used as political pawns or bargaining chips for the powers that be. Although it isn’t only service members who suffer during Shutdowns, many don’t get a first hand glimpse.

  • When the government shuts down, service members don’t get paid. This means that many will report to work even though they aren’t on the payroll. Once Congress ends the shut down, military members will receive backpay. So basically, they’re showing up to work as indentured servants.

  • Military members who are stationed overseas will not be able to receive mail. Although the USPS in the United States will remain untouched, it’s a little different for community mail rooms with an APO address. Since the workers are employed by DoD, they will remain closed for the duration of the shutdown. They better quit playing, I have some packages on the way.
  • Commissaries on military installations cease operations. This only affects bases in the United States. Overseas, the commissaries remain unaffected, thank goodness. I actually went today and it was like the apocalypse.
  • Anger consumes many service members. This isn’t something many people mention. The betrayal those in the military feel. After all, everyone signed their contract in order to be paid a salary for their service. However, they must all continue reporting to work for free.
  • Resources that support families are now unavailable. Programs like the Army Community Service have also been closed. The ACS provides vital resources to both service members and their families. One important thing we utilized not too long ago was their lending closet. The ACS provides household items such as cookware, high chairs, strollers, and appliances for families until their household goods arrive.

These don’t even begin to touch on the negative impact of a government shutdown. The Department of Veterans Affairs has also stopped processing new claims for disability until this is all over. In a world where eating tide pods is actually a thing, very little surprises me anymore. The shutdown most certainly doesn’t affect all the rich folk making the decisions like it does us little people.

5 Times Seasoned Spouses Needed A Seat



Some of the craziest things I have read online were from the greasy fingers of passive-aggressive spouses who have “been there, done that.”  While many are well-intentioned, there are the select few who enjoy logging on and sending virtual eye rolls for no reason.    Here are some of my favorite Bye, Felicia moments:

  • “Girl, just you wait until your husband deploys.  You think you miss him now??” This is usually in response to a young spouse reaching out to a group full of chapped-lipped women for comfort or sisterhood during a field rotation or training.  Rather than giving a response such as this, try offering some words of encouragement or even a listening ear.  Some people love their spouses enough to miss them overnight..hell, even during the day when separated by work.
  • “All these people at the commissary on payday, you broke b*tches..I get groceries whenever I want because we aren’t poor.”  I feel like the commissary at payday eye roll is an undercover attack.  Of course there’s going to be crowds at the commissary on payday, it’s payday!  Not every family lives paycheck to paycheck either.  Some budget their household finances and errands around paydays.  I mean, families need to restock their food supply and 2 out of the 4 weeks in the month are payday weeks.
  • “OMG, you want to talk to your husband’s chain of command? Would you call his boss if he worked at McDonald’s?”  I can’t stand this response, especially when a family member is seeking real help for crises or dangerous situations.  Contrary to the opinions of stank breath mobs on Facebook spouse groups, a military chain of command is equipped to offer support not just to service members but also their families.  Don’t ever be afraid to reach out for help.
  • “I didn’t give bad advice, I knew someone who went to her husband’s chain of command because he wouldn’t buy her some expensive lipstick.”  There’s ALWAYS a ridiculous follow up statement to justify weird things seasoned spouses say once proven wrong.  It never fails during the course of any conversation that someone resorts to deflecting or greatly exaggerating a story.  It’s like the urban military spouse myth where someone’s wife demanded that the gate guards salute her.  Filing it in never happened.
  • “Get a job and your own life.  Don’t sit around the house moping all day.”  This is the pumpkin spice latte of advice for first time deployment spouses; basic AF.  What makes you think these women don’t have lives of their own?  I feel like much of this advice is rooted in a giver’s personal experience drinking soda pops at 10 am wandering through the Exchange on a Tuesday.  Sit around and mope all day as much as you need, ladies and gents.  Do you, boo boo!  Don’t let Bertha make you feel bad with her dirty keyboard.

I feel like this will surely turn into another series of shenanigans with the observations I have been making lately.  I know sometimes it’s so easy for those of us older folks who have been through the early years of OIF & OEF to offer advice to young spouses who were not yet of age at the time; however, the old “I’m just honest and blunt” excuse for being a raging hag is older than the term dependa.















The Irrationally Angry Military Spouse


Over the years, the military spouse social media community has seen stereotypes blown completely out of proportion.  We’ve all heard the “dependa” jokes, seen the memes, and liked the satire videos.  The entire community of military spouses has beat the dead dependa horse so much, that many have become the new stereotypical Irrationally Angry Military Spouse.  They usually travel in social media hordes, armed with Facebook tags for their BFFs..who they often describe as “just as blunt and honest as I am.”  Girl, bye.  You all know the types:

An unwitting military spouse posts a cute little craft in a military spouse Facebook group that reads, “I can get through anything because I’m an Army Wife.”  Okay, I understand how these types of arts and crafts aren’t everyone’s cup of tea.  I also understand why military spouses find these sayings inspirational and supportive.  However, Brenda and her crew often come through with the rebuttal, “The army is my husband’s job, not the reason I’m strong” or “I don’t identify with any portion of my husband’s employment.”  Okay, got it.  Brenda n’em will usually follow up with passive-aggressive memes or gifs aimed at humiliating the original poster.  Also, Brenda is unemployed.

The Irrationally Angry Military Spouse needs you to know that she is simply a civilian who is married to someone who just happens to be in the military.  These types are perfectly fine making an argument that discredits any strength the military life may have instilled.  They roll their eyes at FRG meetings, and refuse to participate in any form of military function.  They wouldn’t dare post a photograph of their spouses in uniform on social media accounts for fear of being called a dependa.

The group of spouses who compare members of the United States Armed Forces to employees at McDonald’s.  This usually happens when a spouse seeks guidance within a Facebook group about getting speaking with a spouse’s unit for assistance with personal matters.  The unsuspecting victim often asks how to contact a service member’s chain of command or where to start.  Of course, Brenda n’em come out of the woodwork with, “OMG, don’t go to his chain of command.  Would you go to his manager if he worked at McDonald’s?”  Have several seats, Brenda.  A military unit is there for family members as well as service members, and advising another spouse to steer clear becomes counterproductive.  It also makes spouses fear using a very important resource that is available to them.  Don’t listen to Brenda when she screeches, “Would you call yourself a McDonald’s Wife?!!!!!!!!”

There’s always a handful of spouses who still claim to have knowledge of spouses of high ranking officials demand to be saluted.  This is the biggest military spouse urban legend out there.  I have never once, in all of my years both in service and as a spouse, witnessed another spouse demand to be saluted.  This is right up there with the mythical spouse who demands to be addressed by her husband’s rank.  Anyone who says otherwise is going to be sent to Maury immediately because it will be determined to be a lie.  Why you always lyinnnnn?  This isn’t something to be irrationally angry about.  Many of these same women claim to overhear other wives speaking about how they’ll never address service members of a lower rank than their own spouses.

It’s a never ending circus of shenanigans sometimes within the military spouse community.  There’s nothing wrong with being proud of the job these service members are out here doing.  As for Brenda and her squad….serving in the military doesn’t equate to working at McDonald’s.  Find some new arguments to back up your irrational anger.  These stereotypical angry spouses now outnumber the stereotypical dependa 100000 to 1.














How To Respond To “Anyone Know Who’s Hiring?”



Part of the joy in being member in an online community, such as a military spouse group, is the wealth of information that can be found among the pages.  Discussion on everything from lunch recommendations to the best nail salons in the area can be quite helpful.  Networking among spouses is also an amazing side effect of being active in military spouse groups.  One of the most asked questions I see in any military community group goes something like: “Does anyone know of a place that’s hiring?  No fast food, retail, or direct sales.  I don’t have any education, experience, or references.  I would like an amazing office job though and a 9 to 5 schedule with weekends off.”

Instead of, “Girl, bye!”– Hi, Gladys!  I don’t have any suggestions that match what you’re looking for, but if you head on over to the ACS, they can help you put together a resume.  You can even head to the local employment office and find professionals that specialize in assisting YOU PEOPLE.  Jk..Don’t say “you people.”

Instead of, “Oh so you’re too good to flip burgers?!”– Fast food can be a great way to gain some work experience and add to your dirty ass resume. Jk…Don’t say “dusty ass.”

Instead of, “If only there existed some kind of system on the world wide web that would allow users to search for information such as this…”– Hi there, Francesca!  I compiled a list of websites that might aid you in your search for employment based upon the information that you’ve given here.  I was able to do this because I possess common sense and the ability to think critically.  Jk..drop the last sentence.

Instead of, “Hi Constance!  I would love to speak with you about joining my team! I would love to help you become a millionaire and fulfill your wildest dreams!”– Greetings!  If you’re interested in direct sales, you can message me!  I am a multilevel marketer who advertises for companies that sell things like clumpy mascara and shake powder that smells like ass.  Jk..Wait, am I?

There are just a few ways that could make a world of difference in someone’s life as they navigate the employment frontier.  There are numerous opportunities that can be found and tons of amazing advice that people can give to those who need it the most.  So I urge all military spouses to connect with each other and share the fantastic opportunities to earn a coin that they’ve discovered.  Just be honest about it, mmmkay?






Are You A Keyboard Warrior?

Social media has created a platform for the average person to produce content to share with the world.  It has also empowered individuals who normally remain silent and hide in the shadows.  Then there are keyboard warriors.  I always picture keyboard warriors either sitting on the toilet long after they have finished utilizing the facilities ferociously typing out paragraphs of discord followed by a million laughing emojis.  They aren’t quite in the same category as internet trolls, but they are entertaining nonetheless.  I’ve come into contact with quite a few keyboard warriors in the course of my online shenanigans.  I’ve compiled a list of important facts in my observations.

They roll deep.  Have you ever expressed an opinion in public forums or even gone against the grain?  If so, you are most likely familiar with the keyboard warrior’s technique of summoning fellow keyboard warriors with a Facebook tag to appear with their arsenal of laugh emojis and internet backup.  Keyboard warriors rarely stand alone.  Prepare yourself for a calculated dragging.

Passive/aggressive behavior.  Many a keyboard warrior has gone the route of tossing their two cent into the interwebs in a roundabout kind of way.  Rather than to address a person, you’ll often find a statement containing the phrases, “Some people….” Or “People are so…”  They’re the types of folks who vaguebook and tell you that if the shoe fits..

They want the last word.  Depending upon the topic at hand, many keyboard warriors are in it for the long haul.  They will fight you to the facebook group death.  This might include exchanging confrontational comments until theirs is the last comment.  It’ll go on for as long as you participate in the keyboard warriorism.  

They’ll have a conversation about you in front of you.  You’ll often find threads nestled away in comments between people clowning you right in front of your face.  While many keyboard warriors will keep their sentiments relatively hidden and off of the main discussion, some brave souls will carry on beating a dead horse.

They’ll block you and continue warrioring.  Many keyboard warriors suffer from a real life affliction known as lame.  Most likely, a keyboard warrior smells of hot feet and stale breath.  So it’s not surprising to find that they have no problem blocking users and continuing to slander their names.  Most also resort to name calling when they are backed into a corner with logic.  

Bottom line:  Keyboard warriors are plentiful.  It doesn’t take much to set one off, and engaging one in discussion or dialogue will only result in a herd of keyboard warriors rallying not far behind.  Smart phones smudged with unseasoned chicken and broken dreams.  

You Don’t Have to Love Your Duty Station

Quite frequently on my journey through social media groups, I notice spouses express how much they dislike where they are.  This is usually met with a gaggle of randos telling the spouse to leave the house once in a while.  They’re usually met with combative supporters of the original poster, and before you know it, anarchy!  Letting a whole group of spouses know you are not a fan of your duty station is sure to result in a strongly worded post from an admin of said group reminding grown women to be courteous.  Why does expressing dislike for a duty station bring out so much anger?  I have a theory that admitting dislike for a place touches a nerve within some because of the old adage that duty stations “are what you make them.” Sometimes, it just isn’t that easy for people. 

City people vs. country people.  It can be extremely hard to adjust to certain locations if they are vastly different from what a person is accustomed to.  For example, someone from NYC might find locations like Ft. Drum or Ft. Polk incredibly dull and boring.  These locations pale in comparison to large cities like NYC.  Sometimes people get defensive if the place in question is their hometown and they hear that another person does not enjoy it.  While it can be an adventure experiencing different places, it can take some getting used to.  I have definitely lived in places that I did not love, but cultivated friendships that made it bearable.  

What is up with the weather?  This can be another aspect of a location that mght make it undesirable for certain people.  Someone from California or Florida might find being stationed in Alaska like living in someone’s meat locker for some years.  Likewise, Northerners who are used to all 4 seasons might not enjoy being stationed in the South.  I know I’m not trying to be in a climate that breeds big-behind spiders and bugs…no ma’am!  Place with severe winter weather also pose serious risks to folks who aren’t used to driving in such conditions.  This can be really scary.  

Homesickness.  This can be hard to overcome.  One of the most incredibly assinine things I have seen spouses tell someone suffering from homesickness is to “get out and do things..you will never thrive otherwise.  Most people I know who don’t like it here never leave their house and just sit around like some ogres..”  Girl, bye!  Have several seats!  Nothing irks me more than the notion that simply partaking in activities a person might not be interested in will cure all.  This is something a person deals with in his or her own time.  It also doesn’t hurt to offer support though.  Like be a listening ear (or set of eyeballs) when someone reaches out via social media.  

Frequent deployments.  Sometimes families are faced with deployments that seem to just keep coming.  Our last duty station, my husband deployed twice in the span of less than 3 years.  This can be tough to deal with, especially if a spouse is new to the military life.  It is perfectly okay to struggle with coming to terms with living in such a place. Ignore those who tell you to “put on your big girl panties.”  They can also take several seats.  

There are duty stations that offer opportunities of a lifetime (overseas) and ones that make it necessary to dig deep and find a way to make it through until the next PCS.  While one place might be heaven on earth to one spouse, another may be experiencing severe F This Place-itis.  AND THAT IS OKAY.  Others might also be masking their disgust with a duty station because they fear being attacked by others or maybe it’s expected of them to hold their tongue and pretend it’s Candyland.  Either way, you aren’t breaking any federal laws by not liking your duty station.  

5 Struggles Shift Work Presents To Military Spouses

One of the harships presented to military spouses is the dreaded shift work schedule.  Whether a spouse performs in a job that requires regular shift work, or special duties like CQ on occasion, the struggle can often be too real.  Many spouses have had to learn to take daily life in stride when dealing with schedules that present conflict and interfere with participating in activities.  There are quite a few challenges military spouses have learned how to overcome…or have just grown used to.

1. Snow days and post closure do not apply.  This is one I have had the pleasure of being affected by, as the wife of a soldier who is considered to be essential personnel.  While those around me enjoyed the day off with their spouses, posting photos cuddling on the couch under their raggedy blankets, my husband was required to be at work.  So I had to post selfies shoveling my own darn driveway.  

2.  Four day weekends?  What are those?  I have also learned to say goodbye to extended weekends with my husband, because they are incredibly rare.  When they do happen, they are usually in blocks of 3 days during random days of the week.  While this doesn’t affect our time together as a family now, it was quite troublesome when I worked a regular 9-5 job.  We had to literally make the time to spend with one another and take care of the house in shifts.  It was exhausting.  Even if a spouse is simply on CQ during a 4 day weekend, it can put a wrench in plans.  

3.  When you also work full-time.  This is quite possibly hell on earth.  Well, maybe not that dramatic, but things can get challenging to say the least.  Especially if you have children and school activities.  While many military spouses stay home with the kids, or even work from home, those who retain employment outside of the home find that juggling schedules is like playing a game of tetris.  Just when you think you finally have the perfect formula for success, BAM!  His schedule changes again.  

4.  Sleeping alone is not ideal.  Before you come for me, I know people with deployed spouses sleep alone every night…and it sucks.  However, for those of us whose crusty baby daddies are not deployed, we are used to putting our cold feet on him on the regular.  So when shifts fall overnight, it can leave us wondering what in the netflix marathon am I supposed to do with my life?  Personally, I sleep on my husband’s side of the bed in his absence and it helps me fall asleep faster.  

5.  Attending unit functions or other activities alone makes you feel like a loser.  Sure, there’s always that one friend who invites you to sit with her and her husband out of pity, but no one wants to be the third wheel.  Of course, not everyone attends functions, but I enjoy making an appearance and partaking in the fun.  I also feel a lot more comfortable when my husband is with me so I’m not navigating through a sea of strangers alone. 

There are so many ways to look at shift work in a negative light, but there are also some perks.  When my husband does get days off, we are able to get our shopping done during the week when stores are empty.  We can also enjoy activities off post that are much less crowded than the weekends.  It’s also fun to prance around having family time while everyone else is working.  How bow dah!  

The Truth About Staged Homecoming Photos


I know that many of us have primped and primed for that professional photo shoot. The one documenting the dramatic moment when lovers are once again reunited following a deployment. Yeah, it’s sweet and can produce amazing photographs that will be forever cherished. It can also present some comical situations that completely blow the event out of proportion.

High expectations can lead to actions that aren’t genuine. Think about the photographs plastered across almost any and every possible corner of the interwebs. The fairy tale poses depicting two lovers in one another’s arms with glee splashed across their faces. Some jump onto their significant other and wrap their legs around them for a smooch. First of all, ain’t nobody got time to be trying to catch my heavy self. I just don’t behave that way publicly with my husband and capturing memories doing so would seem fake to me.

The pressure to shop for the ‘perfect outfit’ can add stress.  Homecoming is already an exciting and emotional day. Why add to the list of things to do by stressing over which prom dress to wear to a musty gym to pick up your spouse? While it is a pretty big occasion, I have always kept it business casual for pictures because that’s just who we are as a couple.

Your significant other might need to race to the bathroom.  Don’t put too much stock into That Moment. You know the one. You spot each other from across the way and frolick into each other’s arms looking like the couple from Twilight. Then he/she says, “I need to pee really bad.”  There goes your million snapshots of the moment.

You’ll be in a sea of amateur photographers low crawling to capture moments for their clients.  This is super awkward. I feel like I’ve literally tripped over several aspiring Facebook photographers as they set up shop to capture every single nose hair and bit of drool from people ugly crying. Homecoming ceremonies have gotten so Hallmark over the years. I also don’t shed tears when my husband returns from deployment so I always feel like a heartless ice queen when I’m stepping over blubbering spouses to get to my baby daddy.

While I absolutely love the photographs taken at homecoming, I’m not sure that I would hire a photographer again. It amounted to posing after we already said hello.  I feel like we could’ve just grabbed anyone in the gym to snap a few shots of us together. I’m also a person who finds it a tad creepy having someone take pictures of me kissing my husband. Don’t feel bad if you can relate.


How To Deal With Overly Attached Military Spouse


If you’ve been in the military community long enough you start noticing that it’s truly a melting pot of personalities.  As a service member, I found it much easier to connect to people because everyone had the same goal and we suffered together.  As a spouse, I’ve been faced with some cringe worthy situations brought on by overly attached military spouses.  Usually well meaning, these individuals have violated my nature and my space.  I’ve developed some strategies to handle the overly attached military spouse.

The neighbor who knows absolutely no boundaries.  This one can be very tricky.  While some neighbors rush to greet new arrivals, others move at their own time.  Personally, I’m borderline introverted.  I need to get a feel for people before I commit time to them or invite them into my space.  I have never gotten to know my neighbors on more than a “hello, how are you?” basis, and that’s just who I am.  I’ve gotten lucky with great neighbors in the course of my time around the Army, but some can be a bit much.  One approach you can take is to let nosey Sharkeisha next door know that you’re not really interested in hanging out because she’s too loud.  Orrrr, you can be a little more diplomatic and just keep blowing her off until she gets the hint.  I’ve been known to walk around looking upset (resting b-word face), so I’m already naturally unapproachable.  Try that next time Bertha from the block strikes up a conversation you aren’t interested in.  

The rando you met on FB who you just can’t shake.  Facebook groups can be a godsend for military spouses in terms of meeting new people and making friends.  It can also help mask everyone’s crazy because you only see their online persona initially.  Once a meeting takes place and the realization hits that there are absolutely no common interests between you and this person, it can be a bummer.  Adding to the chaos, some people just don’t see things the same.  So now your messenger is blowing up with 20 questions about when your next friend date will be.  HELP!  The first thing to remember is that you don’t want to burn bridges in the small military community.  You might end up having to take one for the team and schedule another get together further down the road..like maybe a year.  I mean, most of us have “that friend” who had to grow on us.  Maybe this will be yours.  If you’re cold blooded and don’t care to spare feelings, you could always let her know that it’s not you, it’s her.  

The spouse with whom you don’t click but feel obligated to remain friends with.  This can be the spouse whose husband works with yours.  Maybe the menfolk (or women) hit it off and now they expect you to be friends.  The only issue is that her voice is like nails on a chalkboard as far as you’re concerned.  This situation sucks because you find yourself torn between wanting to cultivate your spouse’s friendships outside of work and running for the hills.  This is another situation where you can opt to suck it up and learn to love scratching chalkbords.  Or you can limit plans to only when husbands are present.  There aren’t too many ways out of this tragic set of circumstances, but survival is defintely possible. 

I’ve always felt sort of obligated to be surrounded by women in a Sex and the City PG-13 type of setting.  We’d tag each other in wine memes and post statuses about how they’re our chosen family or “tribe.”  Thanks, Army Wives.  Ever since that daggone show I’ve felt like the lonliest army wife ever.  Am I supposed to walk around in a thong at a military ball just to make friends?  I’m not sure how I’ve managed, but I have definitely met some amazing people that I don’t plan on losing touch with.  Thanks, Facebook.  I’ve always met some unsavory folks, such as the overly attached military spouse.  I guess it just comes with the territory.  There’s also nothing wrong with simply letting someone know that you aren’t interested in their company.  I’ve never taken that approach, so I’m going to need you to report back.